wrigley field is MILF paradise
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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