also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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