Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
