I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
