He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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