you win again, gameday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
