the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
