Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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