So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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