Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
