If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
