forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
