Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
