That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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