I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
