oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
