omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
