I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
