ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
