it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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