If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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