Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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