the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
