I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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