In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
