This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
