dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
