I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize