i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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