There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
