wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
