just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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