Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
