I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
