Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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