it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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