Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
