Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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