There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
