Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
