Pants 0. Shit 1.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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