I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this is an emotional support booty call
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
