haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
