WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
