Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
