I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Randomize
