she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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