I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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