I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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