i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
