My nipple is on Facebook.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She bit a glass in half.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
