I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
