that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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