i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sex in a hospital.. check
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
