I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
