They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
