shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize