i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
