Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
