so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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