Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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