I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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