I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
