I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just threw up on my dentist
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize