weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
