when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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