hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
