just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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