I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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