Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
