My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
