It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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