Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
