this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
