So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
