I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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