I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
