It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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