what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
