Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
