our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
