time to smoke my breakfast
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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