And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
