i barfeds in our rink
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
