He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
