Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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