Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
false alarm. still invincible.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
