Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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