Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
