Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
