She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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