I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
