I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
