I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the day after is always just damage control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
