you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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