i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
