I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
