one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
