And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
