He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
