i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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