I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
