I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
