Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
