While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
