there's paper in my vomit.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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