my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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