So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
