he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
