I want to have your abortion
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
