I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
