its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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