Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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