Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
