i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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