Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
